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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24283990">A War Won By Kidnapping and Kindness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, But he kind of works at the whole redemption thing, Canon Divergence, Fluff, Happy Ending, Kylo Ren is a Mess, Multi, Polyamory, Polyamory Reader Insert, Reader-Insert, gender neutral reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:41:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,170</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24283990</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When an unsanctioned mission goes awry, you and your partner Rose end up stranded on an uninhabited planet with an awkward, grumpy First Order Radar Technician. The feelings are unintended, but they develop.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Rose Tico, Matt the Radar Technician/Reader, Matt the Radar Technician/Rose Tico, Rose Tico/Reader, Rose Tico/Reader/Kylo Ren, Rose Tico/Reader/Matt the Radar Technician</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A War Won By Kidnapping and Kindness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You were not supposed to be on this mission. </p>
<p>You really, really weren’t supposed to be on this mission, and you were pretty sure General Organa was going to kill you if you didn’t return to Ajan Kloss with any information to make things worthwhile. But you were a spy, Force dammit, like your father before you, and you were going to do your job.</p>
<p>Rose hadn’t liked you doing this, either, but she knew she couldn’t stop you when you got an idea in your head, so she’d come along with you, hoping to keep you out of trouble.</p>
<p>Except, you reflected as you raced down the corridors away from the room full of computers and files, trouble was very good at finding you. </p>
<p>“Technician!” the officer hot on your heels barked. “Technician, halt there!” </p>
<p>You’d thought your disguise as a radar technician was a good idea. And it had gotten you where you needed to be. But kriff, you really should’ve realized the fluorescent orange vest was a problem. You struggled out of it and shoved yourself down a side hallway, just meters away from your rendezvous point with Rose. You had the holodrive - though Force knew if it had anything on it that was actually useful - and you had hope, but none of that would matter if you couldn’t make your legs work fast enough.</p>
<p>Everything had been going <em>fine</em> until the officer came in and demanded you do a job you were in no way trained for. When it became obvious this was the case, you hadn’t stuck around to see what he’d do.</p>
<p>“Oof!” </p>
<p>In your hurry, you hadn’t been paying attention to where you were going, and you’d run into another radar technician. Matt, according to his nametag, and though you’d only worked on the ship for half a cycle, you already knew who Matt was, from the other radar techs and the stormtrooper gossip. New guy who everyone was honestly pretty awful to.</p>
<p>“Watch it,” he spat, clenching his hands into fists. </p>
<p>Oh, if he was like this, maybe you understood why they talked the way they did. Then again, maybe he reacted like this because he was defensive and used to the harassment. You decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.</p>
<p>“Hi, so sorry. I’m - I’m (Y/n), I’m a radar technician. I’m sorry, I’ve got to -”</p>
<p>“I’m Matt. I am also a radar technician.” He paused for an uncomfortable amount of time. “It’s nice to meet you,” he finished, but it sounded like he wasn’t sure he meant it.</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you too,” you replied, also not convinced you meant it. “Listen, I’ve got somewhere I need to be -”</p>
<p>“I’ll come with you.”</p>
<p>You stopped dead, blinking owlishly. He’d just...invited himself along. But kriff it, everyone was awful to him and you felt bad, it’d probably be easy enough to recruit him to the Resistance.</p>
<p>“Yeah. Yeah, okay. Follow me.” You grabbed his hand and dragged him the last few meters. Bursting through a side door, you met Rose. </p>
<p>She looked alarmed. “Who is this?”</p>
<p>“Less talking, more escaping,” you replied. “I’ll explain on the way.” </p>
<p>She rolled her eyes at you and huffed, because this was very in character, but she turned around and shoved you into the waiting ship she’d managed to acquire, pushing Matt along with you and bringing up the rear. </p>
<p>You tossed yourself into the pilot’s seat and did the fastest, least comprehensive takeoff in the history of the galaxy - the kind Poe Dameron would never let you live down - and lifted up in the hangar. Immediately, alarms started blaring.</p>
<p>“Kriff,” you whispered, not that you were particularly surprised. What was more surprising was the doors in front of you starting to close and the blaster fire around you. Apparently they were willing to try to shoot you down, unconcerned about the possible damage to the interior of their ship. “Rose! Gunner!”</p>
<p>“On it!” she shouted back, taking her position and defending while you pulled closer to the ever-narrowing hangar doors. </p>
<p>“C’mon, c’mon…” You shoved the controls as far forward as they’d go and you made it, barely  between the doors, but they caught a wing of your stolen ship with a sickening screech and a crunch. “Oh, <em>kriff</em>.”</p>
<p>“(Y/n)!” Rose shouted. </p>
<p>“I <em>know</em>!” You gritted your teeth. You were about to do something Poe would either be very or not at all proud of. “I’m going to jump.”</p>
<p>“With a busted wing?” Matt demanded. You’d forgotten the existence of the radar tech until now. This was quite the recruitment pitch, you guessed. </p>
<p>“Yep.” You popped the P. “Strap in, friend.”</p>
<p>Matt looked incredibly reticent to do so, but he saw you were serious and threw himself into the co-pilot’s seat just as you slammed the controls. </p>
<p>“What coordinates are you even using?” He glared at you as the light around you started to turn to streaks and you slipped into hyperspace.</p>
<p>You shrugged. “Whatever’s pre-programmed,” you replied. “And then something new.”</p>
<p>“Lightspeed skipping?” He scoffed. “We’re going to fly right through a star.”</p>
<p>“Poe Dameron taught me.” You hammered in another set of coordinates, set them, and prayed. “And I’d say we weren’t, but honestly we might, in which case, sorry.”</p>
<p>His lips curled into a sneer. “You’re with the Resistance.” </p>
<p>“Force, took you long enough.”</p>
<p>He looked utterly affronted. “I knew!” he protested. “I just - hoped you were marauders or something.” In spite of everything, that made you chuckle. He sighed. “So I’m your prisoner now, I suppose?”</p>
<p>You glanced over at him as you keyed in another set of coordinates. “I mean, not unless you try to kill us or go back to the First Order. Right now, you’re more of a recruit.”</p>
<p>“A...recruit?” he asked slowly, looking at you through those wire-rimmed glasses that sat at an odd angle on his face.</p>
<p>You shrugged. “Or a refugee, if you don’t want to fight.” It didn’t much matter to you, since no matter what, the First Order would be one less member strong.</p>
<p>You went to drop out of hyperspace just to see the nearest planet - technically, the coordinates you’d picked were a bit of dead space just outside of Endor - when something giant and blue filled your vision, and you heard Rose curse.</p>
<p>“Kriff, kriff, kriff,” you chanted as it knocked into your ship and sent you spinning. “What was that?”</p>
<p>“A purrgil.” Matt had actually strapped into the seat at this point, which was probably good for you both. </p>
<p>“A what?”</p>
<p>“A purrgil?” He looked at you like you were stupid. “Large creatures upon which the entire basis of hyperspace travel was founded?”</p>
<p>You shrugged delicately. “I’m not actually a radar technician.”</p>
<p>“That’s <em>basic</em> technological history!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, not all of us were raised First Order Imperial and got to have that sort of education.” You shut your eyes, thinking of how you’d learned to read Basic by drawing in the dirt with your friends. </p>
<p>“I wasn’t <em>First Order Born!</em>” he squawked indignantly. “I came by this position of my own free will and hard work. My mother -”</p>
<p>He cut off abruptly as the ship rocked again as you careened into some sort of tangle in the streaks of stars, the likes of which you’d never seen before, with curls and intersections. You made an abortive drop from hyperspace, noticing the smell of smoke in the cabin and the sound of creaking, and prayed that whatever had just happened didn’t kill you. </p>
<p>“Kriff, kriff, kriff.” You were fast approaching a blue planet and you hoped that there was some kind of land on there for you to crash into; crashing into an ocean seemed a good way to die, and you’d hate to do that to Rose. Also Matt, seeing as you did sort of kidnap him. </p>
<p>As you got lower, you saw an archipelago ahead, half-covered in debris, just a bit too far at your current velocity. Still, better to get as close as possible and then swim the rest of the way. You pushed the throttle ahead. If Rey were here, you’d ask her to use the Force and help you out a little, but as it were, it was just you and your piloting skills.</p>
<p>You shoved the throttle, concentrating, and realized maybe you’d been wrong. The island was coming up hard and fast and it looked like you’d make your target, anyway.</p>
<p>As you braced for impact into the land, though, you were running the math again and again, and there’s no way your skills were <em>that</em> good. What in the Force?</p>
<p>The impact jarred your teeth and rattled your brain, but you seemed in one piece. Matt, on the other hand, had fared worse - the hull had split on impact and he had a nasty gash on his left hand. Pretty much everything around you was destroyed, though, ship and communication equipment, so technically Matt was the least damaged thing.</p>
<p>He also appeared to be unconscious, which meant you could leave him for three seconds. </p>
<p>“Rose, baby?” you called, shuffling back to the gunner’s seat. </p>
<p>She groaned, righting herself amongst the rubble. “You suck at this.”</p>
<p>“Hey! We lived, didn’t we?”</p>
<p>“I’m not sure yet, give me an hour to figure it out.” She pushed her hair out of her face. “Help me up?”</p>
<p>You grabbed her hand and fished her out of the remains of the gunner station, getting a kiss and a bone-crushing squeeze for your efforts. </p>
<p>“You kriffing idiot.”</p>
<p>You pulled back to gaze down at her fondly. “Yeah, probably.” You heard a groan. “Oh, kriff, Matt.”</p>
<p>“Who is Matt?” Rose demanded, following you as you picked your way through the ship’s wreckage. “Why did you bring a First Order Radar Tech along?”</p>
<p>“He said he would follow me.” You shrugged helplessly. “It seemed like the most expedient way to get out of there. And I thought maybe he could join the Resistance. Like Finn.”</p>
<p>“Except he didn’t <em>willingly defect</em>,” Rose pointed out. “And Finn saved the resistance pilot, not the other way around.”</p>
<p>You shrugged. Small details. “Yeah, well, we’re here, so I’m gonna go make sure the guy I sort of kidnapped doesn’t die.” You fished the first aid kit out from a warped wall and found a couple bacta packs. “Well, it’s a start. Hope there’s nothing much more than the hand.”</p>
<p>As you placed a bacta patch over the gash, Matt’s eyes snapped open and he hissed, ducking away. Whatever he was going to say turned into a pained groan and his eyes screwed shut. </p>
<p>“Morning, sunshine,” you greeted. “Doing okay?”</p>
<p>“Clearly not,” Rose replied sardonically. “I think he has head trauma.” She tilted her chin.</p>
<p>Sure enough, there were marks of impact and blood on the back of his head. There was also black hair spilling out from under his skewed blonde. You tugged, and the blonde hair came off right in your hands.</p>
<p>“Why were you wearing a wig?” you asked, more out of curiosity than anything. Maybe this was just another one of those weird First Order things. Maybe lots of people wore wigs, even Kylo Ren.</p>
<p>“None of your business,” he snapped back, still not opening his eyes. But when you began to gently apply bacta to his head wound, he didn’t move away, either, and even seemed to relax a little under your fingers.</p>
<p>He swatted your hands away as you attempted to unbuckle his restraints, shaking fingers preferring to do it themselves. It took him four tries, but he got it, and then he forced himself upward and managed to stand for a couple seconds before crumbling into your side. </p>
<p>“I’m fine,” he insisted, but he didn’t move, either. </p>
<p>You nodded. “Yeah, okay. C’mon, bud, let’s figure out where we are.” </p>
<p>Rose had left while you tended to your new companion - friend seemed too strong a word right now - and the two of you shuffled out of the wreckage, promptly recognizing at least three other shapes nearby as other downed ships. </p>
<p>“Well, apparently our predicament is common,” you said with forced lightness. </p>
<p>Rose turned back to you grimly. “I haven’t found a soul.”</p>
<p>“There are no sentients but us,” Matt replied, sounding oddly definitive.</p>
<p>You glanced at him sidelong. “And you know that how?”</p>
<p>“Based on the oceans and islands, plus the downed ships, we’re on Rakata Prime,” he replied. “Did they teach you <em>nothing</em>?”</p>
<p>“It’s called Lehon,” you snapped back. “And a couple thousand years ago, my people were slaves to the Rakatans, so yeah, I know who they are. They don’t exist anymore, but that doesn’t mean that no one else is here.”</p>
<p>“We’re in the Unknown Regions.”</p>
<p>“So was Starkiller.”</p>
<p>“That was different. This - this is a place of darkness.” </p>
<p>“And Starkiller wasn’t?” you demanded, snorting.</p>
<p>“Not like this.” Matt pushed himself off your shoulder and took a few unsteady steps without your assistance, towards Rose. “Did you find anything useful?”</p>
<p>“A few medkits and a few sets of rations.” She shrugged, holding up her backpack. “Shoved what I could in here. We should probably find shelter - who knows what lives in the forest, and we’ll be here when the sun sets.”</p>
<p>Matt looked reluctant to admit it, but he nodded, then slumped heavily against your shoulder again. The three of you picked your way along the coastline, leaving as much space between the tropical jungle and yourself as possible until you couldn’t anymore and had to make your way through it. </p>
<p>You came upon something of a hill with a hole in the side, wide enough for a person to go through.</p>
<p>Rose glanced at you. “You think…?”</p>
<p>“Matt, you’re gonna need to lean on Rose for a second.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need to lean on anyone,” he complained, forcing himself upright with only the littlest bit of swaying. It was an impressive display of stubbornness, honestly.</p>
<p>You knelt down and crawled into the hole. “Light?” you asked, taking a flashlight from Rose. “It’s...pretty deep, actually, and there’s something like a ladder built into the wall.” You glanced around. “Seems livable, though clearly nobody has lived here in over a thousand years. I’d say maybe...a standard room on D’Qar?” You swung the flashlight around. “And it’s just the one room, solid walls, so it’s an easily defensible position should the need arise.”</p>
<p>Matt groaned, and you remembered his probable concussion. “Rose, hon, help me get Matt down here? And then we’ll set up a place for him to rest and do some more first aid.”</p>
<p>“I don’t need help,” he grumbled. </p>
<p>You pulled yourself out of the hole and waved your hands. “Yeah, yeah, First Order self sufficiency. It’s okay to be hurt, you know. We’re going to take care of you.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>You stopped. “Because it’s the right thing to do?”</p>
<p>He snorted. Like basic galactic decency was a ridiculous concept. But then, he was from the First Order for god knows how long, and there was probably another reason that’d make more sense to him.</p>
<p>“Also I like you,” you admitted, because even though he was kind of a jerk, you had a tendency of growing very attached to folks very quickly.</p>
<p>That one stopped him. “You...like me?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?” Force, was it so hard to believe? “You’re a decent guy, Matt. The ‘troopers had no right to treat you like they did.”</p>
<p>“You don’t even know me.” He crossed his arms, looking somewhere between uncomfortable and challenging. “You don’t know what I’ve done.”</p>
<p>You took the moment to really study him. He had messy black hair and a giant scar across the right side of his face, one that looked like a burn, and his glasses didn’t sit right on his nose. Everything about him was awkward, like the kid had never had friends before. His radar tech uniform was scorched and a little torn, and his arms were crossed tight on his chest. </p>
<p>“Maybe not,” you admitted, staring at the frown on his lips. “But I want to.”</p>
<p>His face got red at that and he looked away. You turned your attention to Rose. “I’m gonna climb down. Ready to pass him off?” </p>
<p>She nodded, and only then did you realize the ridiculous difference between them. Matt was so tall, but you hadn’t really noticed until he stood next to your tiny girlfriend. Still, she was carrying his weight well.</p>
<p>Matt did not enjoy being manhandled down into the cave, and he made this very clear to the two of you, which you sort of tuned out and just said a lot of “Yeah, I know, sorry”s to. Finally, you lay him down. “Sorry the ground’s kind of hard.” You heard Rose setting down lightly on the ground behind you.</p>
<p>“I’ve slept on worse.” There was a proud set to his lip, and he tried to sit up, but swore and failed.</p>
<p>You sighed. “Matt, I told you, you have a concussion, you need to stop.”</p>
<p>“I don’t have a concussion, just a headache.”</p>
<p>“Stars, that’s because of the concussion!” You threw your hands up. “Rose, make him behave. I’m going to go grab any sort of resources I can find to help.”</p>
<p>Matt started protesting, but you and Rose fixed him with a look at the same time, and he shut his mouth sharply. </p>
<p>Good. Who knew how long you’d be stuck here, and the guy had to learn to play with others.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>After about a week of nursing from you and Rose, which he accepted very reluctantly, Matt was able to go outside and walk around without much issue. He still got headaches pretty frequently, but he was better.</p>
<p>Every day, you ventured out in a new direction to try to find any sort of working tech to contact the Resistance with - or hell, even enough broken stuff, seeing as your two companions were a radar tech and a mechanic. So far you’d managed bits and bobs, and today you were venturing back to your crash on the beach.</p>
<p>It was the farthest you’d been from the cave since you got there. You were almost out of rations, because they weren’t supposed to last this long, so you were hoping to find that along with the tech. The upside to you three being alone on this abandoned planet was that there was no one else to compete with you for scavenging. </p>
<p>The ground turned sandy and you caught your foot on a piece of metal, falling to your knees. “Oof.”</p>
<p>The beach was not as you remembered. The ships were angled slightly differently, and some things were unsubmerged that hadn’t been visible before. Even if there were no other sentients, the tides still did their job; luckily, you were working with the tides, right now, not against them.</p>
<p>You thanked the giant moon visible in the afternoon sky, shucked your boots, and made your way to the very tip of the island. The cool water washed over your feet as you squatted beside what looked to have been a portion of an escape pod, once. It had a couple bags and pockets, but they were empty except for sand as you dug through them.</p>
<p>The next few remains were like that too, but the cracked hull of what had been your ship very temporarily still had its dashboard, though it was fried to hell. You carefully took it apart, trying to figure out what Rose could use and settling on things that seemed important as well as things you remembered seeing her use. </p>
<p>You found a couple more ration packs, too, but the most valuable thing you found was a field blanket. Just one, and scratchy as a nerf, but definitely better than nothing. You’d only managed to make one “mattress” out of grasses and leaves, and that had gone to Matt on account of his injury, so this would be something for Rose, then. </p>
<p>Rose, the love of your life, who deserved so much more than this blanket and being stuck on a planet in the Unknown Regions because of your stupid plan. You owed her big time. Maybe when all this was over, you’d ask the General for a dispensation to get married.</p>
<p>Assuming you ever got off this kriffing planet. If you didn’t, well, you’d still make sure she knew you loved her. And that you were really rather sorry for getting her stranded on an abandoned planet with a random First Order tech for the rest of her life.</p>
<p>You made it through a few more wreckages as the sun began to set, bringing the other moon into sight. Your bag was heavy on your back, bouncing with the steps you took, and you were hungry. Perhaps you could find something edible on the way back, because it would be a shame to use the rations you’d just found.</p>
<p>The forest was creepy in the twilight. You glanced around, but there wasn’t any fruit or fungus you could see that looked anywhere near edible, let alone recognizable. And as you wandered deeper, you realized that <em>nothing</em> looked recognizable, in fact. </p>
<p>Oh, kriff, you were lost.</p>
<p>The best option was probably to haul yourself into a tree and try and find the clearing where your new home was located. But you didn’t know what lived in the trees, either, so you kept putting one foot in front of the other, because you’d hit ocean or clearing eventually. </p>
<p>A blaster bolt whizzed just barely to the left of your cheek, so close you could feel its warmth. It hit something behind you that made a very loud thump as it fell out of the tree. </p>
<p>“What the kriff?” you demanded as Matt emerged from behind a tree.</p>
<p>“It was going to try to eat you.” He shrugged. “I thought it best not to let that happen. Rose would be sad; she asked me to come find you.”</p>
<p>“You could’ve shot me!” you complained, though you had to appreciate both being saved and his commitment to Rose’s happiness. </p>
<p>He shook his head. “No, I couldn’t.”</p>
<p>“You still have a concussion, you absolutely could’ve missed that thing.”</p>
<p>“I never miss.” There was an air of sureness in his voice that made you <em>almost</em> want to believe the technician about his purported blaster skills, but you’d been around enough rookies to be doubtful still. There was also the typical petulance that you’d dare doubt him, but you were getting used to that.</p>
<p>You turned around and picked up the small, furry thing. “Well, I imagine this is edible.”</p>
<p>Matt made a horrified face. </p>
<p>“What, you’ve never hunted before?” you asked. </p>
<p>“No,” he replied like he thought himself too good for it. </p>
<p>You shrugged. “Yeah, well, sometimes a guy like this was the only food I could get my family for a couple days, so you’ll have to just deal with us commoners while you’re here.” You slung it over your shoulder. “I think there was a stump near camp.” </p>
<p>Matt led you back and there was, in fact, a stump, so Rose gave you your knife and you butchered the creature and then cooked it on a small fire. Matt looked positively green, but you and Rose didn’t have any trouble.</p>
<p>“It’s good,” you promised him. “And not just because it’s fresh meat. Whatever the hell this thing was makes a good meal.”</p>
<p>Matt crossed his arms tighter across his chest, but his stomach rumbled. “Fine.”</p>
<p>He refused to take the thing from your hands, so you rolled your eyes and put it in his mouth yourself, trying to ignore the way he looked when your fingers brushed his lips. Trying to ignore the way you felt.</p>
<p>He looked at the ground. You looked at him. </p>
<p>“Well?”</p>
<p>“It’s...alright,” he replied. “Could I have another?”</p>
<p>“Are you gonna grab it yourself, or do I have to feed you again?” you teased, appreciating the scarlet flush that appeared on his face.</p>
<p>He picked it up himself, grimacing slightly, but popped it in his mouth. You looked at his big brown eyes through his glasses, and you were actually pretty glad you’d taken him with you.</p>
<p>You all sat around the fires, telling stories til it burned down to embers, mostly you talking about the Resistance, though Rose mentioned Hays Minor and Canto Bight. Matt glowered through the entirety of your stories, but he said nothing, and you decided it was probably just his face.</p>
<p>If you were gonna be stuck on this rock, you were going to get the man to smile.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Peace didn’t last. After about a week and a half, Matt broke the endearing rapport the three of you had built with him by asking the fateful question.</p>
<p>“So. What do you guys think about Kylo Ren?”</p>
<p>You and Rose looked at each other carefully.</p>
<p>“Well, he is the reason - my sister - died -” Rose swallowed, setting her jaw. “I guess you could say I don’t like him very much. I don’t agree with what he does.”</p>
<p>“He has good reasons.” He frowned. “I’m sure -”</p>
<p>“No, Matt, don’t defend the <em>murder</em> of our family, okay?” You raked a hand through your hair. “I’m sure this was acceptable small talk in the First Order, but it hits us differently.”</p>
<p>Matt tensed up, defensively. “He’s just trying to bring order to the galaxy. Finish what Darth Vader started.”</p>
<p>“Darth Vader was also a terrible person,” you pointed out. “But he turned back to the Light in the end, to save his son. He realized he’d messed up. I just -” You sighed. “I hope Kylo Ren follows that part of Vader’s journey, too.”</p>
<p>“You think Kylo Ren will return to the Light?” Matt said it like it was a bad thing, and you were starting to reevaluate his potential as a defector.</p>
<p>You shrugged. “I don’t know if he will, I just know he can. If he can choose to blow up planets and kill civilians, then he can also choose to not do that.”</p>
<p>“But Snoke commanded it.”</p>
<p>“And now he killed Snoke. He can do anything he wants. He can keep killing people, or he could go back to his mother and the Resistance like Rey asked him to, or he could run away to a deserted planet and start a farm.” You shrugged again. “I know he was your leader, Matt, but Kylo Ren is a person, just like you and me.” He tensed, looking guilty, though you weren’t quite sure why. “I think the only thing he lets himself feel is angry, but I bet there’s a whole bunch of other emotions under the surface, too.” </p>
<p>“Emotions are stupid.”</p>
<p>“Emotions are human. I don’t know, I think he’s probably lonely.” You ticked off on your fingers, trying to imagine what the Supreme Leader of the First Order felt. “He doesn’t really have friends or peers. Everyone is beneath him. And that means he can’t trust what they say, either.”</p>
<p>“He can read their minds.”</p>
<p>“So he knows everyone’s just bowing down cuz they’re afraid.” You shrugged. “I’m sure genuine praise and happiness are hard to come by in the First Order. Maybe he wishes someone would be nice to him just as a person, care for him that way. Touch him with affection.” </p>
<p>The thought of someone cuddling the Supreme Leader made your skin crawl, but then, maybe he wouldn’t be such a despot if he had nice things. If he had relationships, people he loved.</p>
<p>Matt’s face was getting increasingly red. “He’s strong, he doesn’t need anyone.” He was looking around, anywhere but at your eyes.</p>
<p>“It has nothing to do with strength,” you replied. Of course that was how the First Order felt about attachment. Pretty ironic considering the Old Republic Jedi stance. “People feel things. And none of this will make him a good person, just someone with emotions. If he wanted to make things right, he’d have to work at it.”</p>
<p>“He’s <em>trying</em> to make things right.”</p>
<p>“I can’t - Intention doesn’t matter, because he’s killing people and enslaving them and taking away freedom. I don’t know what Kylo Ren’s idea of right is, but it doesn’t look a kriffing thing like mine does.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” His fists clenched.</p>
<p>Rose quivered beside you and you tucked her into your arms. You knew it was a combination of rage and sadness. Maybe that was what made you say the next part. “You know another thing I bet he feels? Guilt. Maybe not for all the people who died because of him, but at least for putting a lightsaber through his own father’s chest.”</p>
<p>Matt stilled. “He doesn’t have a father.”</p>
<p>“Not a living one. But Kylo Ren is a man just like the rest of us, and a lucky one, too - his father loved him enough to die for him, and his mother still believes he can be good.”</p>
<p>“And what do you believe?” Matt demanded, eyes screwed shut, nails digging into his palms.</p>
<p>“I believe that if Kylo Ren wants to stop, to do good things, then he will. And not a second before.” </p>
<p>That was the last thing anyone said for several minutes. Matt looked about ready to scream, or something, and you didn’t fancy any more of a fight with your new acquaintance, so you asked, “Matt, can you please go get us something for dinner?”</p>
<p>He must’ve been really pissed, because he didn’t protest, just stalked out of your home. Rose let out a quiet sob.</p>
<p>“I know, I know, baby.” You rubbed circles into her back. “That was terrible.”</p>
<p>She sniffled. “I can’t - they’re so <em>brainwashed</em>!” She pressed herself further into you. “I was - (Y/n), I’m starting to like him, but -” You could feel her shaking with rage. Rose had always been an angry crier, and now was no exception.</p>
<p>“I know,” you said again, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I’m going to make him understand.”</p>
<p>“How?”</p>
<p>You shrugged. “I don’t know yet. But even if turning one radar tech doesn’t win the war, well...at least you don’t have to hurt so much, and he gets to be free-thinking.”</p>
<p>And maybe you could feel less guilty for how much you cared for this awkward, angry tech.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Matt was somewhere in between clever and stupid. He figured out that he shouldn’t talk about Kylo Ren around Rose - but that didn’t stop him from trying with you.</p>
<p>“A buddy of mine saw Kylo Ren in the shower. Said Kylo Ren was shredded, that he had an eight-pack.”</p>
<p>You shrugged, continuing your weaving. You’d finally found enough grasses to start another mattress, and you were enjoying the sun in the clearing while Matt sat next to you and continued to be unhelpful. The only thing beneficial was his chatter, because even his hero-worship of Kylo Ren was better than dull, anxious silence.</p>
<p>Still, he was fun to mess with, and you had an idea that’d definitely shut him up for a second. “You know what, Matt?” You looked up from your weaving to make eye contact with him. “I think you’re much cuter than Kylo Ren.”</p>
<p>His face got all red and he spluttered, looking like he wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or offended. It was a look that made your heart twist.</p>
<p>“He’s - that’s <em>Kylo Ren</em>!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, and you’re you.” You beckoned him over, and he complied after a look of intense annoyance, sitting down beside you. “You’ve got this lovely silky hair” - you tangled your fingers in it and got a small shiver for your efforts - “and this jaw.” You traced your thumb along it and watched in amusement as a blush spread across his features. “Your cute glasses…”</p>
<p>He shrugged awkwardly, uncomfortably. Like he wasn’t used to being called attractive. To being seen at all. A simple radar technician.</p>
<p>“And this scar.” You traced your thumb along it. “I don’t know who gave it to you -”</p>
<p>“A Jedi,” he replied, heat in his voice. But there were no Jedi besides Rey. You wondered if he’d ever start telling you the truth about things.</p>
<p>“Well, it doesn’t make you any less pretty.” You found yourself cupping his cheek, thumb sweeping back and forth against the upraised skin. “So yes, you’re cuter than Kylo Ren.”</p>
<p>With a start you realized how close you were, how thick the air between you. You could kiss him. You <em>wanted</em> to kiss him. </p>
<p>Oh, kriff, you didn’t mean to let it get this far. </p>
<p>“What about Poe Dameron?” he asked softly, chewing his lip.</p>
<p>You blinked. “What?”</p>
<p>“The Resistance poster boy.”</p>
<p>That did not clarify things, but your brain caught up eventually. “Oh. Well, he’s like a brother to me, so that’s kind of a low bar, but yes, definitely.”</p>
<p>Matt had a pleased little smirk. He hadn’t moved his cheek from your hand. </p>
<p>“But,” you added, attempting to bring the conversation back into a safer territory, “I’m sure Poe is more attractive than Kylo Ren.”</p>
<p>Instantly, Matt’s face soured and he stood up without a word and stalked off to go be mad in the forest. You were disappointed to lose the company, but at the same time, maybe it was for the best. It wouldn’t be a good move to go falling in love with a Kylo Ren fanboy. But the fact that thought even occurred to you at all was a sign you were completely kriffed. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“You’re a radar technician. How do you not know what these tools are?” Rose asked, staring at Matt’s sheepish look.</p>
<p>“It was - I was new,” he grumbled back, avoiding her gaze like he expected something unpleasant.</p>
<p>She huffed. “And of course they never gave you proper training. Okay, don’t worry, I’ll teach you.” She had that determined set in her eyes, the one that was impossibly attractive, and you loved her so much.</p>
<p>Every time Matt made a mistake, he looked at her with fear in his eyes, waiting for a reprimand that never came. Your lover was fierce, but above all, she was kind, and she taught patiently with praise and gentle correction.</p>
<p>“My commanding officer wasn’t like this,” he said softly, and you were pretty sure he didn’t mean to say it out loud, so you let it be. But it was a breakthrough, you hoped. A realization that things could be different. </p>
<p>Rose was a good teacher, and Matt was making tiny contraptions by the end of the day. Nothing functional for what you needed, of course, but even Rose hadn’t managed to make a communicator yet. </p>
<p>He managed a simple flashlight circuit out of spare parts and held it out to Rose for her inspection while he sat anxiously on the floor with his legs crossed.</p>
<p>“Good work, Matt,” she praised, and he looked up at her with adoring eyes that you recognized - they were the same ones you’d make. Silly radar tech had gone and fallen in love with your mechanic. Well, at least you knew he had good taste, and it was probably something that could be played to your advantage in terms of winning him over to the Resistance.</p>
<p>“You’d be a good addition to any team.” You grinned at Matt.</p>
<p>He glanced away. “I work better on my own,” he mumbled. </p>
<p>“I don’t believe it. You’re just fine with us here, and you didn’t even know me when you hopped on the ship with me.”</p>
<p>“You<em> kidnapped</em> me.”</p>
<p>“You’re the one who said, ‘I’m coming with you’!”</p>
<p>“Because I thought you were an actual radar technician and I could learn from you!”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, Rose is a mechanic and you did end up learning something,” you pointed out, getting a scowl in response.</p>
<p>“That doesn’t mean -”</p>
<p>Rose snorted. “Both of you, shut up.”</p>
<p>You both followed her directions without hesitation, turning to look at her. It was mildly impressive the effect she had on you both. </p>
<p>“Matt, I’m very proud of the work you did today,” she began. He flushed. “You’ve really improved quite quickly. But it’s late now, and I think we should all sleep.”</p>
<p>He mumbled an assent - man, how could you get him to listen to you like that? - and went over to his mattress on the other side of the cave. Just like that, the argument was over. You curled yourself up around Rose on top of your own mattress, the two of you fitting together perfectly. </p>
<p>“I love you,” you breathed. “Thank you for being magnificent.”</p>
<p>You couldn’t see her face, but you felt her smile in your soul. “I love you too.”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>You found Matt asleep with his head in Rose’s lap while she fiddled with some mechanical bits.</p>
<p>“He was whining about the floor being uncomfortable so I told him to shut his damn mouth and use me as a pillow.” She used her free hand to brush a strand of hair off his face. “He was cute. Blushed a whole ton, so of course I just had to give him the smile and the ‘It’s okay, sweetie.’”</p>
<p>It was the same voice she used on lothcats. You couldn’t help but giggle.</p>
<p>“So how’s it going?” you asked, settling in next to her quietly.</p>
<p>“I think I’ve got a rudimentary binary transmitter going.” She showed you a wand-looking thing with a fork on the end. </p>
<p>Piloting was definitely the best field for you. You nodded and decided to trust her.</p>
<p>“As soon as sleepy here wakes up” - she brushed her hand through his hair again - “I’m ready to go test it.”</p>
<p>You took the opportunity to rest your head on her shoulder. “I’m sorry for taking us on the stupid mission,” you murmured. “And getting us stuck on a stupid planet with a brainwashed First Order tech for god knows how long.”</p>
<p>“It’s not that bad.” She shrugged. </p>
<p>“It kind of is,” you replied. “I know you’d love a ‘fresher and hugs from Finn, Rey, and Poe, and I know you’re frustrated my off-the-books mission got us here.”</p>
<p>“To be fair, technically it went better than my last off-the-books mission,” she offered with a smile, threading her fingers through yours.</p>
<p>You remembered realizing she was gone. You remembered the feeling of black hole in your chest as you saw her stop Finn from killing himself and then didn’t see her eyes for a couple months. How you’d been reckless, gone to Corellia for bacta even knowing your face would be everywhere. It didn’t matter. </p>
<p>It might have saved her, and whether it did or not, you’d do it again for Rose in a heartbeat.</p>
<p>“We need to retire,” you said, instead of letting out any of the dark thoughts. “Someplace warm. With beaches.” You smiled wryly.</p>
<p>Rose rolled her eyes at you and Matt stirred in her lap. “Your ideas are so creative,” she teased, still playing with his hair as he opened his eyes and stared at her like she was the sun.</p>
<p>Matt could lift Rose like she was nothing, so he was the one to give her a boost into a tree, oddly gentle for his size. Rose was clutching an abomination of parts that was supposed to hopefully function as a communicator, albeit a simple binary distress call on a Resistance frequency.</p>
<p>It was better than nothing.</p>
<p>You and Matt both watched as she clambered up to try to reach above the treeline, hoping it’d improve the chance of breaking atmo. You were looking adoring; Matt was looking like he was trying to look anything but adoring.</p>
<p>“I’ll be happy to get off this planet,” he muttered. </p>
<p>“You gonna come back with us to the Resistance?” you asked, keeping your tone even. You tried to tell yourself you didn’t care. </p>
<p>He hesitated a beat longer than you liked, but he nodded. “I’ll go with you.” Then he looked over. “Do you really think Kylo Ren could start a farm? Just...stop being Kylo Ren?”</p>
<p>“Well, he’d still be Kylo Ren. He’d just be Kylo Ren on a farm.” You giggled a little at the image, incongruous in its darkness and light. “Depending what planet he wound up on he’d probably have to wear something besides those black robes and the helmet. But yeah. If he wanted to stop being the Supreme Leader, he could. He could walk away from it all and do something else.”</p>
<p>Matt hummed. “Do you think I could start a farm?”</p>
<p>“Probably,” you replied. “If that’s what you want, I know you’ll figure it out.”</p>
<p>“How?”</p>
<p>“I just...know.”</p>
<p>He squinted at you suspiciously through his glasses. “With the Force?”</p>
<p>“No, not that kind of knowing. Like…” You shrugged helplessly. “I dunno, you just think, ‘what does it take to run a farm?’ And then you think about the traits, and I think you have them. You’re a good learner.”</p>
<p>He hummed again and went back to staring at the tree, even though Rose had long since disappeared. You could see the leaves rustle, every once in a while.</p>
<p>With very clear forced casualness, still looking at the tree, Matt asked, “Would you two come with me? To the farm.”</p>
<p>Your heart stumbled. “Matt,” you began softly, and you saw the way his face shuttered. “We think you’re wonderful, but our place is with the Resistance.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Right. Of course.”</p>
<p>You reached out and brushed the back of your hand along his. “You could stay with us in the Resistance. Just until we win.”</p>
<p>He scoffed. “You won’t win,” he replied, but his voice had less fanatical belief than when he’d said things like that a couple weeks ago. It sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than you.</p>
<p>“Maybe if Kylo Ren starts a farm,” you offered, trying to bring it back to levity. “I bet he’d be good at it, too. All that dedication to order, commitment. He’d just need to learn a little bit of patience.”</p>
<p>“Kylo Ren can be very patient,” Matt protested, offended. </p>
<p>You snorted. “Ah, yes. Master of the Knights of Ren, known throughout the galaxy for his - <em>patience</em>.” Matt pouted. “C’mon, what’s one thing he’s waited for patiently?”</p>
<p>“Well, one time his ship crashed and he had to wait for someone to come get him off the planet.”</p>
<p>“What, how long?”</p>
<p>“...a couple weeks.”</p>
<p>You raised an eyebrow. “Just like us?” He chewed his lip, blushing, and he nodded. “Matt, did you get marooned here with us on purpose to be like Kylo Ren?” you teased.</p>
<p>“No!” he replied with vehemence that was, in your opinion, unnecessary.</p>
<p>Sobering up, you asked, “Do you regret following me on the ship?” You weren’t sure you wanted to know, but it was a question that deserved to be voiced.</p>
<p>There was a long pause and a very quiet, “No.”</p>
<p>A bit of a surprise, honestly. “Good. I’m glad you did.”</p>
<p>You saw a wiggle in the leaves and Rose’s feet as she shimmied downwards. “Well, I sent a distress call. I think,” she added, sitting on the lowest branch. “I guess now we wait. And I can do it again in a couple days if we need. Matt?”</p>
<p>He looked at her, confused at the request in her voice.</p>
<p>“Help me down?”</p>
<p>You thought it’d probably save his body a lot of effort if it just left all the blood in his face for a permanent blush. He reached up and caught Rose’s waist, taking her from the branch to the ground, and he watched her as she walked back to the cave. </p>
<p>You couldn’t help but agree. The man had good taste.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>“You’re a Force user?” you demanded, shocked. “How did - you were in the First Order! As a <em>radar technician</em>! How did they not find out?” They would have made him a Knight of Ren or something if they’d known, you were sure of it.</p>
<p>Matt glanced around guiltily. “I’m good at hiding things,” he lied, which seemed ridiculous considering you’d known the guy for a couple weeks and you now knew the secret. </p>
<p>“So can’t you like, send a distress call through the Force or something?” you asked. “Instead of making Rose fumble with these pieces.”</p>
<p>She made a small protest, because she definitely liked fumbling with the pieces.</p>
<p>“That’s not how the Force works.” He glanced away from you guiltily, like he was hiding something, even though you could imagine Rey saying the same thing to you.</p>
<p>You sighed. “No wonder you like Kylo Ren, huh. You don’t have any better Force role models. It’s okay, I’ll introduce you to Rey, she’s really cool.” You patted his shoulder and he flinched.</p>
<p>“How much training do you have?” Rose asked, cutting back to the point - the reason she’d called you over in the first place.</p>
<p>He didn’t answer. The pile of mechanical bits lay smoldering at his feet, making you think it wasn’t a whole lot if he could just accidentally blow things up in a fit of rage.</p>
<p>You sat down across from him. “Okay, well, I’m not Force-sensitive, but I’ve spent time with Rey, so I can teach you a couple things.” You wondered how he’d managed to get as old as he was without training.</p>
<p>“I don’t need a teacher,” he grumbled, insulted. </p>
<p>“Then just meditate with me. You can’t deny that you’ve at least got a temper, and the Dark Side loves that.”</p>
<p>“The Dark Side is cool,” he sulked. </p>
<p>You rolled your eyes. “Yeah, okay. Meditate with me anyway, because Rose doesn’t like it when we argue, so whether the Dark Side is cool or not, you ought to at least be calm and nice to people when you can. You need to learn to control your temper.”</p>
<p>Rose hummed in assent and gathered the blown-up bits, then took her leave to fix whatever he’d been trying to do.</p>
<p>Matt frowned. “What about your temper?” he demanded petulantly. But he also didn’t disagree with something that’d make Rose happier.</p>
<p>Even though the issue wasn’t <em>your</em> temper, in your humble opinion, you rolled your eyes. “That’s why I’m meditating,” you said.</p>
<p>So the two of you sat there and meditated. Matt fidgeted awkwardly the entire time, which broke your concentration slightly, but you were more doing it for his benefit than your own, so you didn’t care that it wasn’t your best. You walked him through the first exercise Rey had ever done with you, thinking about calm and peace and gentle happiness, and by the end of it, his fidgeting was slower and he looked the most relaxed he had since you’d all crashed here.</p>
<p>“This wouldn’t have worked two weeks ago,” Matt admitted, a clunky attempt at praise if you were reading him right.</p>
<p>“Why’s that?”</p>
<p>He glanced away. “Didn’t have any good memories to use,” he replied gruffly. </p>
<p>Over the amount of time spent together, you’d swapped a lot of stories. Matt talked mostly about his time in the First Order, but every once in a while he’d mention his mother, a senator, or his father, a smuggler, with a bitter twist to his mouth. You’d given him stories of your own, about your own problems with your parents (never once adding that <em>you</em> hadn’t run off to join the First Order, though you were thinking it). You’d known things were bad, but it was still something to hear it put just so.</p>
<p>Your heart clenched and you grabbed his hand. “We’re gonna help you make a million more,” you promised, and Force, you meant it.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>There were fish in the ocean, but the ones that were close enough to shore to catch weren’t particularly big, so you’d need a few for a meal. You stood in waist deep water with a handmade spear and you waited, trying to estimate how much time it’d take to catch enough small fish.</p>
<p>Or…</p>
<p>“Matt!” you shouted. “C’mere!”</p>
<p>He’d been carefully avoiding looking at your naked body, but when you called his name, his eyes snapped to you - and then immediately away, face growing a familiar shade of red. “What?” </p>
<p>“Come here!” you insisted again. </p>
<p>He waited until you turned around again to strip off his clothes. At this point, he just wore a white undershirt and his old technician pants cut into shorts. You and Rose had also lost layers of clothing to both the heat and the wear. Sometimes you wore nothing at all, though Rose preferred to keep on a tank top and shorts of her own.</p>
<p>He never looked at you naked. He never wanted you to see him naked, either. You’d tell him he was beautiful no matter what, though, because you believed it. </p>
<p>He came up beside you in the water. “What do you want?” </p>
<p>“Help me catch fish.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know how to do that,” he grumbled. “You wasted both our time.”</p>
<p>You snorted and shoved his shoulder lightly. “Use the Force, dude. And don’t tell me that’s not how the Force works because I know you can find stuff with it and move stuff with it, and all this is is finding and moving fish.”</p>
<p>“It’s not that easy,” he protested, but he saw you enthusiastically stabbing with your sharpened stick and he sighed, giving in.</p>
<p>Relatively quickly, he pulled a fish out of the water and tossed it back to the beach with a flick of his wrist. You watched it flop sadly. </p>
<p>“Matt, you can’t just let it...drown on air,” you protested. </p>
<p>“We’re going to eat it. It needs to be dead.”</p>
<p>“No, I know, just - snap its spine or something. A quick, merciful death.” You shuddered. “It doesn’t need to suffer.”</p>
<p>He looked at you like he’d never had to consider something like that before. He flicked his wrist again and the fish stopped flopping.</p>
<p>“Thank you.” He nodded gravely, as if you’d taught him something valuable.</p>
<p>You didn’t actually manage to stab any fish - your improvised weapon was not ideal - but Matt successfully acquired one more and set it on the beach, this time killing it right away. You smiled at him, and he looked away. </p>
<p>Seizing your chance in his distraction, you splashed him, getting an indignant splutter as a reward. You giggled. </p>
<p>He quickly made you reconsider whether it was worth it, though, as he summoned a wave with the Force and dunked you. </p>
<p>“No fair!” you laughed, coming up for air. “That is a ridiculous advantage.” In response, he dunked you again, and you came back kicking and splashing, laughing all the while.</p>
<p>Keeping your head above water proved difficult; keeping yourselves apart was harder. Somehow, he was standing over you, looking down, and your breath caught. The water around you was still as you both stood frozen. </p>
<p>Slowly, giving him plenty of time to draw away if he wanted, you lifted your hand to cup his cheek. He didn’t move, just stared at you intently, barely an exhale ghosting over your palm, so you took it as an invitation to gently press your lips into his.</p>
<p>It was like kissing a tree. He stood completely still, hands by his sides, lips barely moving clumsily against you.</p>
<p>You pulled back to look at him, furrowing your brow, but as you pulled away he let out the most desperate whine you’d ever heard. </p>
<p>“Do you want this?” you asked, voice never rising above a whisper, feeling your breath ghost over his lips. </p>
<p>He whined again, nodding, and you took his hands and put them on your hips. Given permission, he squeezed so tight, like he worried you’d slip away. When you kissed him again, he kissed back, messy and unpracticed, but every bit as desperate as the sound he made, leaning into your hands and the kiss. You threaded your fingers through his hair and tugged, getting another desperate sound, and you grinned into the kiss. </p>
<p>“It’s okay,” you promised as you pulled away. “You’re allowed.”</p>
<p>“I don’t - deserve -” he cut off, strangled, still gripping your hips tight enough to bruise. His eyes were wide and filled with a painful cross between hope and utter disbelief.</p>
<p>You brushed his hair back behind his ear. “Love isn’t about what you deserve. It just...is. And I love you.”</p>
<p>“I’m not a good person.”</p>
<p>“You can always do better.”</p>
<p>“I’m -” You saw the shift in his eyes as he changed tracks abruptly, deciding not to fight you anymore. “I want to kiss you again.”</p>
<p>“So do it.”</p>
<p>With the same desperate intensity as before, his lips crashed back into yours.</p>
<p>“Rose?” you asked, breathing heavily as the two of you pulled apart.</p>
<p>His eyes were hopeful. “Can I?”</p>
<p>You laughed. “Let’s go ask.” You tugged him by the hand out of the ocean, grabbing your clothes and your fish. He actually took the time to put his clothes back on; you slipped on pants, but only because he was taking forever and you didn’t want to leave him behind. In one arm you held the fish and the other his hand, and you were probably the happiest you’d been since you landed on the planet, feeling the ground under your bare feet.</p>
<p>Rose was in the clearing, tinkering like usual - you’d yet to hear back from the binary transmitter, and she was convinced she could increase the range - but she looked up when she heard your approach, breaking into a grin. </p>
<p>You tossed the fish into the storage box you’d built next to the hut and threw your arms around Rose, only now dropping Matt’s hand. “I missed you, starlight,” you crooned. </p>
<p>She laughed, swatting at your chest. “It hasn’t even been two hours, you melodramatic nerfherder.” </p>
<p>“Yes, and they were two hours of abject agony without your presence,” you replied. You got a kiss in return for that, probably more to shut you up than her being impressed, and you squeezed her tight and took a second kiss, then a third.</p>
<p>Rose turned pink when you finally let her breathe. “Sorry, Matt,” she mumbled, but she was still smiling shyly and lovingly. You knew he’d been watching you, and you knew he was equally pink.</p>
<p>You stepped back and elbowed him. “Ask.” His face flushed deeper and his mouth opened but no words came out. “C’mon, Matt.”</p>
<p>“Ask what?” Rose started confused, but she was quick and clever and she figured it out in a minute. “Oh.”</p>
<p>“You’re gonna have to bend down to reach her, though,” you teased, as she stepped closer to his space, calm and soothing. </p>
<p>She looked up and him. He looked down at her. “Can I?” he whispered, not able to form more of a sentence. </p>
<p>She nodded, and then reached out to cup his cheek as he kissed her with the same desperation he’d kissed you with earlier, getting a bit of a squeak from Rose.</p>
<p>You grinned. “What say you we have a celebratory dinner?” you suggested, gesturing towards the fish. “Caught by our lovely new darling.”</p>
<p>Matt sputtered, ducked his head. “Just say thanks,” Rose laughed. “Yeah. I can prepare them, I’m sick of this -” she waved the forked contraption “- deciding it doesn’t want to work.” She didn’t toss it away, because she was Rose, but she frustratedly put it off to the side and stood up to fillet the fish. </p>
<p>You stretched out, enjoying the way Matt was eyeing you, still shy despite everything. “Hey, when we get out of here, let’s go on a date for some Jogan fruit cake. I miss it.”</p>
<p>Rose hummed. “Where are you gonna find it?”</p>
<p>“They’ve got some on Lothal. They’re rebelling against the First Order; maybe we can get a hero’s discount.”</p>
<p>Rose snorted. “Sure. For now, though, we’re eating fish.” She’d already properly flayed each, an impressive skill. “Don’t ruin your appetite dreaming of things we can’t have. Besides, who even knows if we’ll get off this rock?”</p>
<p>“We will,” you replied confidently. “You’re a technical genius, darling.” Matt nodded. “I know you’ll save us.”</p>
<p>She smiled proudly at that, coloring just a little, and you all cooked and ate your fish and talked and laughed. Rose snuggled into your side, and Matt snuggled - so much as the man could snuggle - into your other, and you enjoyed the warmth and regaled them with tales from your childhood. Some of them were hard, about how your planet had struggled after the defeat of the Empire, but some of them were easy, happy, about festivals and families and accomplishments. You learned little bits more about Matt, too, though he seemed to prefer listening, and Rose even surprised you with a story about Paige you’d never heard before. </p>
<p>By the time the embers burned low, it was dark, and Rose was yawning. “We should drag the mattresses together,” she suggested. </p>
<p>“Why?” Matt asked. </p>
<p>“To cuddle. If you want.”</p>
<p>“Oh.” His voice wavered. “I’ve never slept beside another person.”</p>
<p>“You don’t have to,” Rose assured him with her easy smile, “but I promise it’s nice.”</p>
<p>So you made a big bed, and you both slept curled around Rose, and you were content. </p>
<p>---</p>
<p>The Millennium Falcon touched down on the beach. It was weird to see an intact ship among the wreckage, but you didn’t much care as you raced towards the descending ramp and launched yourself at Rey for a hug. </p>
<p>“Kriffing hells, how do you get into these situations?” Rey demanded, holding you tight.</p>
<p>You smiled cheekily, bravado returned by your rescue. “Luck and skill. What’ve we missed?”</p>
<p>She shrugged. “Not much. Everything’s been oddly quiet. We’ve got a spy in the First Order who said Kylo Ren disappeared about a month ago, and their military operations have been correspondingly sparse. Probably compensating for the lack of direct leadership structure - the spy said Ren didn’t leave anyone in charge, just disappeared.”</p>
<p>You shrugged. You didn’t know a whole lot about the Supreme Leader, but the idea of him just jetting off without making any preparations seemed to fit with the image you had of him. </p>
<p>“C’mon, I’ll take you to Rose and Matt.” You grabbed her hand and started tugging her along.</p>
<p>“Matt?”</p>
<p>“First Order defector, I think we’ve convinced him to join us. He was a trainee radar technician.”</p>
<p>Rey made an amused noise in the back of her throat. “I’m jealous. You and Poe both convinced people to leave the First Order, but when I try, the guy just decides he wants even more evil power.”</p>
<p>“He doesn’t know what he’s missing.” You patted her on the shoulder. “Meditating with you is a life-changing experience, and I’m not even Force-sensitive.” You didn’t mention that Matt was; that seemed like his thing to share.</p>
<p>She rolled her eyes. “Thanks.” The two of you picked your way through the forest, though she grew tenser as you went on, until you finally got to the clearing and her hand went to her lightsaber. </p>
<p>“(Y/n),” she asked slowly, “who is that?”</p>
<p>You glanced to see Matt and Rose slumped together, still napping. You were surprised the Falcon breaking atmo hadn’t woken them, but you were glad. “Oh, that’s Matt. The radar technician.”</p>
<p>“Your ‘radar technician’ is Kylo Ren.”</p>
<p>You squinted at her. “You’re kidding, right?” Matt was a lot of things - certainly a Kylo Ren fanboy - but the man himself?</p>
<p>
  <em>“And this scar. I don’t know who gave it to you -”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“A Jedi.”</em>
</p>
<p>...Oh. <em>Kriff</em>. You’d really just kidnapped  - and fallen in love with, no less - the kriffing Supreme Leader of the First Order. </p>
<p>His glasses were nowhere to be seen, and his face looked so peaceful in sleep. It was hard to believe that this man had killed so many people, that Matt who caught fish and built contraptions and refused to look at you naked and ranted about Kylo Ren - <em>was</em> Kylo Ren.</p>
<p>Though you supposed the ego made sense in retrospect.</p>
<p>Before you could stop her, Rey had her lightsaber ignited and shouted, “Ren!”</p>
<p>Matt - Kylo - <em>whoever</em> was on his feet in a second, dumping Rose unceremoniously off his shoulder. It was the kind of vigilance you hadn’t seen in weeks, that you’d (so you thought) trained out of him, but here was Rey and there he was in a defensive position.</p>
<p>Rose was blinking blearily. “Ow. What the kriff, Matt?” She looked over towards the humming. “Oh! Rey! This is our friend Matt, he’s a first order defector -”</p>
<p>“He’s Kylo Ren,” Rey said shortly. “Where’s your lightsaber, Ren?”</p>
<p>“Not here,” he replied. “It was in my chambers when (Y/n) kidnapped me.”</p>
<p>“Hey, we agreed it was mutual!”</p>
<p>“We did <em>not</em>!”</p>
<p>“<em>Shut up!</em>” Rey pointed her lightsaber at Kylo Ren’s - Matt’s chest. “Give me one good reason I shouldn’t run you through, right now.”</p>
<p>“Because I intend to come back with you anyway, and I’m worth more to you alive than I am dead,” he answered very pragmatically.</p>
<p>Rey squinted. “Why?”</p>
<p>“I intend to defect.”</p>
<p>“Bantha piss. <em>Why?</em>”</p>
<p>“I’m serious!” You could feel his temper spike. “I’m done with the First Order. I’m coming back with you, I’m ending this kriffing war, and then I’m gonna - I don’t know, start a farm.” His eyes flicked to you and then flicked away just as quick and your heart flipped.</p>
<p>Not too quick for Rey to catch, though. She started laughing. “Are you - this is a joke? You’re in love with (Y/n) now and so you’re gonna be a good guy?”</p>
<p>“And Rose,” you provided helpfully, because you felt it important to acknowledge. “But actually. Start from the beginning. I know you and Rey have the Force bond, so even though you <em>lied</em>, you totally could’ve called to her day one and gotten us off this planet.”</p>
<p>He glanced away awkwardly. “But that would’ve blown my cover.”</p>
<p>“Right. So what was your plan?” You waved at Rey. “Put your lightsaber out, he’s harmless.”</p>
<p>“<em>Kylo Ren is not harmless!</em>”</p>
<p>“Well, he is now.” You sat down on the ground, Matt - Kylo - <em>kriff</em> - following your lead with only the mildest hesitation. </p>
<p>Reluctantly, Rey put out her lightsaber and sat down on the ground next to you.</p>
<p>“What I wanna know,” Rose began, “was why you were pretending to be a radar technician.”</p>
<p>“I suspected there was a spy among the First Order, so I was going undercover to investigate. Nobody notices a radar technician.”</p>
<p>“Couldn’t you have just interrogated people?” you asked. That seemed like a lot less work.</p>
<p>“There was a camera crew and a show and - nevermind, that doesn’t matter. It was my second day and this other radar technician just ran into me and then pulled me on a ship and we crashed here. And then I realized the radar technician was actually with the Resistance, so I thought I’d win their trust and go to destroy it from the inside.” He looked oddly ashamed. </p>
<p>You snorted. “So what? You’d kiss me, go back to our base, and kill your mom?”</p>
<p>He pouted. “I hadn’t worked out the specifics, but kissing you wasn’t part of the plan.”</p>
<p>“So why’d you do it?”</p>
<p>His face got red. “Because I fell in love with you! Both of you.”</p>
<p>You rolled your eyes, trying to wrap your heart in thorns. “Yeah, right.”</p>
<p>Rey was squinting at him. “No, actually, he’s telling the truth there.” She snorted. “I didn’t even know you could feel love.”</p>
<p>“I wasn’t <em>supposed</em> to be able to,” he replied. “It’s what Snoke was always trying to train out of me - attachments make you weak, just look at Darth Vader - and why he made me kill Han Solo.”</p>
<p>Rey’s face twisted into a snarl.</p>
<p>“Your dad,” Rose corrected, speaking up for the first time since he’d started his tale. “He told you to kill your dad, and you made the choice to put the lightsaber through his chest.” Her voice was flat and steady and her arms tight over her chest as she stared at the former First Order leader.</p>
<p>He grimaced. “Yes.”</p>
<p>“If you really want to be a good guy now, you have to take responsibility for your actions.” Her fingers were digging into her biceps and her lip was set. You slipped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close. You were always in awe of her when she got like this. “You did all of these things. No one made you, because you could’ve chosen not to.”</p>
<p>He swallowed thickly. “You’re right.” Rose was always right.</p>
<p>Rey gestured for him to continue. “So, what, you fell in love and now you’re a good guy?”</p>
<p>“I don’t think I’m particularly good,” he grumbled. “I’m still Kylo Ren. I just…want to do better, I guess, which was something I decided <em>before</em> I realized I…” He glanced away awkwardly. “It doesn’t matter, anyway.”</p>
<p>“I begged you to come back, over and over.” Rey scowled. “You refused. Why am I supposed to believe you now?”</p>
<p>He shook his head. “You wanted Ben. There is no Ben. You saw a man that didn’t exist, that my family filled your head with ideas about.” He gestured at you and Rose. “They saw Matt, an asshole of a radar technician, and they decided he was worth saving, anyway.”</p>
<p>Rose bristled. “It wasn’t about saving you, it was about knowing you could be a decent person and getting you there,” she snapped. Rose was a lot of things, but she wasn’t any man’s savior; she’d come to that decision bitterly, the hard way.</p>
<p>“Besides,” you added, “you weren’t Matt the Radar Technician, you were Kylo Ren, and all of this was a lie.”</p>
<p>“You said you loved me.” His voice was low, desperate. </p>
<p>Rose shook her head. “I loved Matt.” She rubbed at her eyes, pushing away frustrated tears, and you held onto her tightly. “I don’t know who you are.”</p>
<p>You sighed wearily. “I believe - I don’t know what to believe.” You closed your eyes, thinking about kissing Kylo <em>kriffing</em> Ren. Thinking about the actual changes you saw in him from crashing until now. “I think you’re really better than you were. I think the growth you made as Matt was real. But he was still a made up person.”</p>
<p>You’d been in love with a man who didn’t exist. And yet you couldn’t deny that the feelings lingered as you looked at the reality standing in his place. </p>
<p>It was too much.</p>
<p>“You still planning on defecting?” Rey asked drily, hand on her lightsaber. “Now that you won’t get your happily-ever-after.” She looked ready for a fight, because you knew you all couldn’t just leave him on the planet - kriff, you didn’t want to - but it was a question of recruit or prisoner. </p>
<p>It was a question whether his change of heart was all just to impress a pretty girl and you.</p>
<p>His face was dark but set with determination. “Yes.” He was looking away from you and Rose, shoulders drawn tight and tense. “I told you, it’s not - I just understand, now.”</p>
<p>“And you realize you’re coming back to a cell either way?” Rey demanded. “You’re not - I don’t even trust you and I can see inside your head.”</p>
<p>He shrugged. “Whatever it takes.” He stood up. “Can we go now? I’m sure they’d love to sleep in an actual bunk. And I could use a ‘fresher.” </p>
<p>Somehow, the addition of the last bit made you feel a bit better. He was still self-interested, no matter what, and he wasn’t faking otherwise. </p>
<p>Maybe he wasn’t Matt, but he was still someone you’d spent the last few weeks trapped with. You still knew something. </p>
<p>Your arm around Rose’s shoulders, you all walked back to the Falcon, keeping watch on Kylo out of the corner of your eye. He was not a particularly subtle individual - you realized now he probably relied on the mask to avoid giving away his emotions - and you could see the wistful look he was giving you and Rose, even from a distance. </p>
<p>There’d be time to figure out - whatever the kriff was happening here, back at the Resistance base. For now, the man was right: you wanted to sleep in a bunk.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>There were so many <em>people</em> on the Resistance base. </p>
<p>No more than before you’d crashed, surely, but you noticed now, and it was so loud. Rose seemed worse off than you, and you often found her hiding away in quiet places to tinker and do her small jobs. You hadn’t seen her at the mess since the day you got back, though you had been going to eat with Poe and Finn and Rey, who were all catching you up on different facets of life you’d missed. </p>
<p>They’d found a squadron of defected troopers on a moon of Endor, putting Finn in charge of the newly developed Stormtrooper Rehabilitation Faction. They introduced you to Jannah, the squadron’s leader, and other members whose names you couldn’t remember. Rey told you some cool Force stuff she’d been figuring out, like that she could take tiny bits of her life energy and heal people. Poe told you that Pava was pregnant, and then laughed and swore he was joking at the horrified look on your face. </p>
<p>“Force, would it be so bad if she was?” he asked. </p>
<p>You nodded. “The only person I’d trust less with a baby is you.”</p>
<p>“Hey!” Poe protested as Rey and Finn laughed.</p>
<p>But even as Rose avoided the mess, you came home to the same room every night. The minute you’d gotten back, you’d filled out the paperwork, and you and Rose were officially married. The General promised that as soon as there was time, she’d take you someplace beautiful for a wedding, like Cloud City. You couldn’t wait. </p>
<p>Rose was everything to you.</p>
<p>But for now, there wasn’t time, because the acquisition of one recently reformed(?) and defected Knight of Ren meant that there was a ton of new information and plenty of missions to plan. The man knew shockingly little, considering that he was the Supreme Leader - you were starting to understand the Radar Technician gimmick - but he knew a few Stormtrooper training facilities, and plans for a second, bigger Starkiller, and the plan by the Knights of Ren to find and train more Force Sensitive children.</p>
<p>It was handy, because the Resistance spy in the First Order had gone dark a few days after Ren’s disappearance, from what you heard, so luckily you weren’t missing out on too much intel. The last thing they’d heard from the spy was that Ren was gone; then, from a different source, they heard Hux had taken over. </p>
<p>“Really hope Hux didn’t kill our spy,” Poe mused. “That’d suck. Though I guess your boyfriend is kind of helpful, too.”</p>
<p>You rolled your eyes. “He’s not ‘my boyfriend,’ he’s the former Supreme Leader of a fascist entity.”</p>
<p>“You say Pro-Tae-To, I say Pro-Tah-To.”</p>
<p>“No one says ‘Pro-Tah-To,’ Poe.” You shoveled some sort of cheesy mush in your mouth and almost missed the fresh fish and being stranded. “I haven’t seen him since I got on the Falcon.”</p>
<p>“Yes, and he’s being very annoying about it,” Rey complained. She rubbed her temples. “He’s opened the connection full time and he keeps asking about how you and Rose are doing.”</p>
<p>“Why don’t you shut the connection?” Finn asked. “That can’t be good for you, Rey.” He made a very good point, and you had to agree with his concern.</p>
<p>Her mouth had a determined set. “I need access to his head. I need to know if he’s planning anything.” She aggressively stabbed at her food, and you felt a little bad for it.</p>
<p>Finn shook his head. “There’s a guard rotation.”</p>
<p>“They can’t see into his head.”</p>
<p>You could foresee Finn and Rey going at this for a while, Finn out of stubborn love for Rey and Rey out of stubborn suspicion and duty. But you knew a way to cut that short.</p>
<p>You sighed, putting a hand to your head. “What if I go see him and tell him to stop annoying you?” You weren’t sure whether you wanted to see him, but you didn’t want to figure that part out.</p>
<p>“You don’t have to,” she protested. “I can tell him to shut up myself.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but he’s more likely to do it if he actually sees me,” you pointed out. </p>
<p>One of the most surprising parts of this whole ordeal was that the Supreme Leader really did seem to have some sort of positive feelings about you and Rose. You weren’t convinced it was love - probably more like a porg imprinting on the first thing it saw - but there was something there. And you were pragmatic enough to use it. </p>
<p>So you shuffled your way to the cell where they were keeping him, relieving the guard because you could handle yourself, and sat down on the floor next to the cell wall. “Hi.”</p>
<p>His eyes widened, then narrowed, and he looked away. “Come to gloat?” </p>
<p>“About what?” you asked, tired already. “You can’t fool me, I know you keep asking Rey about us.”</p>
<p>His cheeks tinted in a blush you hadn’t realized you had been missing. “Foolish girl doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”</p>
<p>“Are you lashing out at me because you’re hurting?” you asked point blank. “Cuz I didn’t do anything to you, you made this mess yourself.”</p>
<p>He gaped, and then his mouth clicked shut and he scowled. “I’m not hurt,” he lied.</p>
<p>“Yeah, okay.” You rested your chin on your knees. “Well, I’m here. So you can stop bugging Rey.”</p>
<p>You sat in awkward silence that reminded you of some of your first days on the island. It seemed that at least some of his progress had come from erasing his past in his head. That, and it was easy to fall back into old habits when sad and pained. You’d had your fair share to get over.</p>
<p>“I didn’t miss you,” he said finally.</p>
<p>“I didn’t say you did.”</p>
<p>“Well, you were thinking it.”</p>
<p>You rolled your eyes. “You know, people might like you more if you had any concept of boundaries and stayed out of their brains.” You tapped on the cell wall to make your point.</p>
<p>“It’s not on purpose,” he snapped, just a bit too defensive. “You all think so loud.”</p>
<p>You took a deep breath, finding the patience you usually reserved for children, and you managed not to snap back. “You never learned how to control it, did you?”</p>
<p>A moment of embarrassed silence, and then he admitted, “It was useful, so I never had to turn it off.”</p>
<p>“Rey can probably teach you,” you suggested. He grunted in response. “It must get at least kind of annoying.”</p>
<p>“You have no idea.”</p>
<p>You sat in silence again for a while. It was nicer than you cared to admit. <em>Kriff,</em> you’d actually missed him, and you knew he knew because he’d just confessed to hearing all of your thoughts, no matter how you tried to block them.</p>
<p>“How’s Rose?” he asked, choosing not to comment on your feelings.</p>
<p>“She’s well,” you replied. “Getting back into a routine. We’re married now.”</p>
<p>“Congratulations.” His voice held no jealousy, only wistfulness. </p>
<p>“We’ll have a ceremony when there’s a lull in the fighting. Somewhere nice.”</p>
<p>“Cloud City is beautiful,” he suggested, just like his mother had. “Or Naboo. That’s where my grandmother was from.” He gave the closest thing to a smile you’d seen from him yet. </p>
<p>You hummed in response. Unbidden, the image of him asleep with his head in Rose’s lap popped into your mind, shooting a bolt of pain through your heart. He winced, like he’d felt it too.</p>
<p>“I’m gonna go.” You stood up awkwardly. “See you around. Kylo.”</p>
<p>You felt him watch you leave.</p>
<p>You found Rose in your quarters, back from the ‘fresher with her hair still wet. You pulled her into your embrace.</p>
<p>“You saw him, didn’t you?” she asked.</p>
<p>You winced. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>“You look like a fathier from Canto Bight.”</p>
<p>“Thanks,” you snorted. “I love you too, starlight.”</p>
<p>You fetched a comb off the table and pulled her down onto the bed next to you. She hadn’t cut her hair on your return, letting it stay grown out, and you worked the comb through it smoothly as you started a simple braid.</p>
<p>“Do you remember when we first met?” you asked. </p>
<p>She laughed. “Of course. You were fixing your ship wrong.”</p>
<p>“I was <em>not</em>,” you protested with the well-worn familiarity of a fond argument. </p>
<p>“Mmhmm.” She hummed. “And I told you that if you didn’t close the one circuit, you’d short the entire system.”</p>
<p>“And I said you should do it if you were so sure, then,” you laughed, remembering fondly. “And then you spent the next six hours working on my ship, and by the time it was done, she flew the smoothest she ever had and I knew I loved you.”</p>
<p>She snorted, used to this part of the story, too. “You’d literally just met me, you didn’t love me yet.”</p>
<p>“Nope. From that moment.” You pulled the mostly-finished braid to the side and pressed light kisses down her neck. “You’ve always been smarter than me.”</p>
<p>“You’ve always been braver than me,” she replied.</p>
<p>“Mm. Maybe.” You kissed her shoulder. “More reckless, for sure.” You tied off the braid and wrapped your arms around her. “I’m sorry for getting us stuck on Rakata Prime. Especially because the mission was a waste, and the drive was destroyed when we crashed.”</p>
<p>“I’d follow you anywhere,” she promised, knitting her fingers through yours. “Even if we both know the idea is inarguably stupid.”</p>
<p>“Hey, you occasionally have some inarguably stupid ideas yourself,” you teased. “Like that crashing into Finn and being unconscious for days was a good and reasonable thing to do.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, if I hadn’t, he would’ve died.” This was another well-worn argument, but one a little sharper around the edges with recent pain that had you tugging her closer. “And that would’ve ruined everything.”</p>
<p>You didn’t have a rebuttal for that - you never did - so instead you went back to kissing her neck and holding her tight.</p>
<p>“Technically you might’ve won the war with your stupid mission anyway,” she offered, leaning back into you. </p>
<p>“How do you figure?” You raised your eyebrows,</p>
<p>“Well, you kidnapped and turned the most powerful evil Force user in the galaxy,” she pointed out. “The First Order’s much weaker without him.”</p>
<p>“You did that too,” you replied, a little embarrassed. Rose was the only one you could really talk about this with, though, because she had been the only one there. The only one who knew. “Makes perfect sense that a goddess like you could seduce him back to the Light.” Easier to make jokes about it than to think about the daunting reality you were in.</p>
<p>She snorted. “Shut up.” Then she grew quieter. “Do you think we really did?”</p>
<p>“What? Make him good?” You shrugged helplessly. “I mean, no, we didn’t make him anything. We were just...kind. And decent. Showed him what life could be.”</p>
<p>She hummed. “He’s responsible for the death of my sister.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“And the General’s husband.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“And a million other people. And I hate him for it.” She sighed. “But I also...enjoyed spending time with him. I liked the way he looked at me. He was almost soft.”</p>
<p>You nodded, pulling her down onto the mattress. Every night you thanked the Force for your lumpy Resistance issue mattress. “I think we can do both,” you confessed. “Love him and hate him at the same time.”</p>
<p>“I’ve been visiting him.”</p>
<p>That startled you, and your hands tightened around her stomach. “Then why does he keep asking about you?”</p>
<p>“I’ve never...spoken to him. I go, and I see him, and I just freeze, and then I walk away.”</p>
<p>You wondered if he knew about every time she did that, but of course he did. You wondered how it made him feel. </p>
<p>“You remember the first argument we ever had with him?” she asked. “The one about Kylo Ren being cool?”</p>
<p>You laughed dryly. Knowing his identity, the fight had a whole extra (incredibly ridiculous) dimension. “How could I forget?” </p>
<p>“It was <em>awful</em>, but...he reminded me of you, when you get angry sometimes. And I thought, if we could get that on our side...I don’t know if there’s anything we couldn’t do.”</p>
<p>You were slightly affronted by being compared to the scourge of the galaxy, but she had a point about his power.</p>
<p>“Do you want to talk to him?” you asked. “I could go with you for emotional support. We could just...hang out, the three of us.”</p>
<p>“Like old times,” Rose joked. “Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. And if we convinced him to stop being a garbage human, maybe we can convince him to make things right, too.”</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>Kylo Ren was allowed a daily walk outside on Ajan Kloss, provided he was chaperoned. He, of course, refused to take this offer, until it was presented by you.</p>
<p>“Fine,” he grumbled. “Though I don’t see why, if you’re so disgusted with me.”</p>
<p>You rolled your eyes. “You’re so melodramatic, you know that?”</p>
<p>He huffed.</p>
<p>“We’re meeting Rose.” You led him through the forest, ducking under a couple low branches. “She has food.”</p>
<p>“Nothing in this Force-forsaken place is food.”</p>
<p>“What, you miss my cooking, Ren?” you teased. You’d practiced with Rose - at her insistence - so you wouldn’t slip and call him Matt, and so it wouldn’t sound awkward. You weren’t sure how well the goal was accomplished. </p>
<p>He snorted. “Hardly.”</p>
<p>The silence was tense as you picked your way along, and you found yourself missing the easy peace you’d had on Rakata Prime. </p>
<p>You found Rose on a rock overlooking a small lake, waving you over excitedly. She had managed to find jogan fruit, though not the cake, and she had a small picnic for the three of you.</p>
<p>“Hey,” she greeted, and like usual, Kylo said nothing and refused to look at her. </p>
<p>You rolled your eyes at him. “Hello, starlight,” you crooned, and then you pulled her into a kiss and made <em>sure</em> it was one he’d watch. </p>
<p>When you pulled apart, his eyes were still averted but his face was very red. Mission Accomplished. </p>
<p>He sat a bit of a distance from the two of you and ate his fruit in brooding silence. </p>
<p>“Is it weird that I find that cute?” you asked Rose in a fake whisper. “The whole pouty dramatic thing?”</p>
<p>She giggled. “I dunno, I think he’s at least a little cute.”</p>
<p>“If I were still onboard the <em>Supremacy</em> I would’ve broken something by now,” he snapped, chest heaving.</p>
<p>“But you haven’t,” you pointed out. “Because you’re better than you used to be.”</p>
<p>“And you’re worse, if you think to torture me here.”</p>
<p>“Force, you are <em>so dramatic</em>.” You slid your hand over your face. “We’re <em>trying</em>, okay? You’re a kriffing mass murderer but you’re also the guy who helped me catch fish and that’s a little hard to reconcile.”</p>
<p>“Not to mention you lied about who you were when we met,” Rose added.</p>
<p>“Can’t love someone you don’t know.” You nodded. “But...I think we know you now.”</p>
<p>Rose snorted. “It’s a bit hard to love the reason my sister’s dead.” She sighed. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t,” she added, quieter.</p>
<p>That stopped him. “Love?” </p>
<p>“Or at least intensely care about, I don’t kriffing know,” you replied crossly. “You don’t make it easy.”</p>
<p>“I don’t deserve it. You know that now, you know what I meant.” His hands were balled into fists. “It doesn’t matter what I feel or what I want, I will never deserve it.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, probably not. But that’s not going to change the way that I feel.” You shrugged. “You can spend the rest of your life trying to deserve us. That’s the part that counts. And when all this is over, maybe Kylo Ren will go start a farm. With two people who love him.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Oh,” you teased. “So are you ready to stop sulking and start working on being a better person? You’ve already done a lot for the Resistance, but the attitude could use some help.”</p>
<p>Rose smiled. “That’s okay. I think we can get him there.” She stroked her hand across his cheek, watching the color blossom and his eyes widen. And then, giving him plenty of time to pull away, she kissed him. </p>
<p>It was the same as the first time, like he couldn’t quite believe he was allowed, but Rose tugged her fingers through his hair and pushed herself up against him and Force, it was a pretty picture. You hummed appreciatively. </p>
<p>“Your turn,” she insisted when she pulled away. </p>
<p>As you pressed yourself close to him, taking your first of many warm kisses, you tried not to giggle about literally seducing him to the light. It was a good accomplishment no matter what.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have no good reason that this is as long as it is. It started out as a crackfic idea that wouldn't leave me alone, was only supposed to be a couple thousand words, but here we are. <br/>That said, I honestly had a lot of fun with it. I love Matt the Radar Technician and that whole SNL skit, and I love finding ways to fit it into canon.<br/>I hope this fic brought you happiness. Thanks for reading!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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